Hello! Welcome! Thank you for being here. This is the first post I’ve done on this platform, and I am so excited to use this more regularly. If you’re receiving this because you signed up on my website to my newsletter, full disclosure, we have relocated it. I don’t know if substack is the answer to the online connection problem, but I am here for giving it a red hot go.
I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately, and a lot about control. I’ve spent a long time under the control of others, and the last few years have really been about reclaiming the “control” i have over my own life, my own decisions.
I posted an essay recently on the cost of control (you can find it here). I was talking about church and religious spaces, but I know it spans further than what I alone have experienced. I meant it when I said the cost is ourselves. the cost is people. the cost is the wholeness and fullness of individual humans. the cost is the future of those humans. the cost is the magic those individual humans bring to the world. The cost is not worth it. The price is too high.
I’m in the middle of a big season of change. Things are moving quickly. Foundations I knew only as steady are shifting. I am growing. With that growth, comes decisions to make. I find myself looking left and right, awaiting my mentor/boss/leader/pastor/someone-anyone-please to tell me the right way to go. I find myself looking for that control that is so harmful. I find myself frustrated at the way my body still remembers decisions as ‘unsafe’ and ‘requiring approval’. I find myself gently being reminded of all the beauty, all the ways I have grown, all the ways I am growing. I am learning to be patient with myself as I continue to unlearn these things.
I hope you are patient with yourself, too.
This Newsletter: Moving forward, I envision this platform in two ways.
free subscribers will get bi-monthly newsletters/love notes in their inboxes. it’ll be fun!
paid subscribers will get an additional 1-2 newsletters each month. they’ll also be foundational in supporting my creative work, and I’ll be working on more “fun stuff” as we move forward to add to this section.
Writing updates: I am working on a few projects!
The Memoir: I’ve spent the last couple of months formulating thoughts and ideas into book-baby form, and started actually writing the memoir I’ve been dreaming of. It’s still in the first draft stage, but I am absolutely delighted with the whole idea and process. I’ll be sneaking out some early section reads to the paid subs in the next month or two.
I have a closer project, a poetry book on deconstruction and the divine, that I am in the process of compiling. My plan is to release this as a purchasable PDF from my website in March.
Currently reading: Can a writer even send an email without telling you their current reads list?
I’m halfway through “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott at the moment and let me tell you, a more stunning book could not possible exist. An easy 5 stars.
I also recently finished “Normal People” by Sally Rooney which I still haven’t made a decision on. I’m on the fence. Did I hate it? Did I love it? I can’t tell. I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’ve read it.
Scratch notes: Change is a gift. Even in the fear, we can run towards whatever comes and know we are safe to move into new things. You have the permission you’re seeking — this is it. Go, do the thing.