he is jealous for me, love like a hurricane, i am a tree.
i could go on.
if you sung those lines, i’m sorry for you baby. i really am.
if you didn’t, i won’t link you. it’s a christian worship song i wish i didn’t know.
ha ha.
i’ve been thinking about this line a lot though.
anyone else still cringe at the worship songs that get stuck in their head? like, cmon brain, it’s been almost-6-years. let it go already.
but as i’ve been thinking about the line aka had it annoyingly stuck in my head, i’ve also been thinking about this glorified idea of the christian god, being jealous for us. the glorified and often celebrated idea of this big, jealous, god who wants our full attention. all the time. no matter what. it’s preached in christianity; i’d been hearing it since i got there at fourteen. albeit they vary on how much they lean into the jealous thing.
no matter whether they use the word jealous (which honestly, happens more often than you’d think) or whether they avoid it (realising the negative connotations, maybe), the point still remains: they think of god as requiring all of our attention, all the time. they think of god as jealous of anything else that would consume our attention. they think of god as wanting all of us, always, with no exceptions.
we’re taught to think of god, no matter what, all the time.
we’re taught to pray to god, first, no matter what, all the time.
we’re taught to “pray without ceasing” (paul, probably taken out of context)
we’re taught that “i the lord am a jealous god” (exodus 20)
we’re taught that god is jealous in terms of idolatry, in particular. that his jealousy is holy and righteous because it’s gods jealousy so it’s totally different to human jealousy obviously. his jealousy is because he loves us so much. and it’s a holy love so it’s not like, a red flag. or something.
the thing with idolatry is it’s another thing that christians love to make mean literally anything. we make idols out of politics, fantasy book series, our partners, sex, movies, non-christian friends, the gays… anything that can take our attention away from god and the church can be made into an idol in christianity’s eyes.
see how deep this could go?
Richard Dawkins is an interesting author with a bunch of interesting books. i actually read his work for the first time when i was studying apologetics (the irony) and picking apart his arguments with some weird twists of logic. his books tend to have a snarky kind of sass that i haven’t always enjoyed, but i’m also coming to wonder if that snark isn’t part of the remnants of religious trauma for most of us… anyway.
he has a book called “outgrowing god”1 where he talks about… well… outgrowing the god concept. he compares it to santa, which may or may not be your forte. i’ll leave that with you. more importantly, he writes a keen observation regarding jealousy.
he writes that if the christian god is truly “jealous” then “he” — god — is insecure.
huh?
insecure is the one thing that we are told god isn’t. god is assured. god is powerful, almighty and all knowing. god is holy. insecurity is bad. if we are insecure with god, we haven’t got enough faith. we must never be insecure. we must be secure in his love.
we must be secure in the love of a deity who is insecure in our affections.
it makes me think about how that kind of jealousy would translate if it came up in my relationship with my lover. because, frankly, jealousy is jealousy. you can’t spin it with that “gods ways are higher” bullshit. it can’t mean one thing for god and another thing for me. it’s either he’s2 jealous or he’s not. and if he’s jealous, it means he’s:
feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.
or
feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one's partner is attracted to or involved with someone else.
or
if my partner and i had that kind of jealous possessiveness, it would be unhealthy. people would tell me to run. and if it’s not ok in a human relationship to have a “jealous love” for one another, a love that says “stay close, don’t move from my side. don’t stop adoring me for a second, or i will be jealous”… if that’s not ok in what we are told is but a glimmer of “real love” aka god’s love is better…
how can this be ok for god?
i see this and i remember how much i let slip by. how much of christianity’s ingrained messages are unsafe, unhelpful, and frankly: giant red flags.
promoting this jealous love, this insecurity —
no wonder the church sees divorce just as much as everyone else does (if not, more).
no wonder the church sees abusive relationships thrive under its ceilings.
no wonder the church has a toxic relationship with power and leadership.
no wonder the church continues to ostracise itself from relevance and true wonder.
no one wants to be scared into believing.
no one wants to be scared into relationship.
no one wants to be pressured into love.
but your idea of god, well, apparently he’s okay with it. because he’s jealous for me.
and that’s supposed to be romantic? mind-blowing? intoxicating?
i’ll take healthy communication and good boundaries, thanks.
outgrowing god - richard dawkins - find it here.
i’ve used the christian language of “he” for god purely to maintain that same thread of how we’ve been taught to think and see god. one of my first areas i deconstructed was the idea of god as man.
Oxford Languages, from google search.